New beginnings await just past the weekend. Monday starts a new week, a new month, and for me the start of the next chapter of my life.
“This is your last chance to say you want me to stay,” I half-joked before I left to sign my lease. I was trying to make the mood easygoing but failed because the conversation that followed was full of tense emotions. Let’s just say I walked away with a sting in my heart and my tail between my legs while trying to save face.
So off Em and I went, money in hand to sign our lease. Over the river and through the woods again, seriously I have NO idea why my GPS keeps taking us on the scenic route. I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to find an alternative because me & these windy roads are not going to get along for much longer.
Now, in the last few months, I have come close to moving twice. Each time I got overwhelming anxiety and I took it as a sign that I shouldn’t move yet. I hated the feeling but I know better than to not listen to my body’s distress signals. So I bit the bullet and we continued to live in a somewhat peaceful environment. But no really, it wasn’t bad, I just knew that the longer I put it off the harder it would be for me, the emotional one. However, I had absolutely NO anxiety this time around. Sure I was a bit sad after I signed it and realized that ‘oh my god I get my keys on Monday! there is no going back now!’ But that feeling faded away as we drove off into the midafternoon sun. And I’m actually really looking forward to moving.
It’s my first place without a roommate. Em doesn’t count because she’s my child. As long as her trolls are there she’s going to be fine. But I will literally be able to decorate HOWEVER I want with no complaints. I see a lot of glitter in my future! 😁
I told my close friend that I was about to start my own Eat, Pray, Love journey. Minus the Love because well I don’t believe in it anymore. Nor do I want to put myself in a position to be heartbroken again. My friend said I will change my mind when someone comes along and sweeps me off my feet again. To which I replied “unless he’s furry with four legs and is of the cute fluffy variety, I’m not going to be interested.” That’s right. The only man in my life from this point on is going to be whatever dog I decide upon. His name will be Jasper, I’ve already decided.
I’m not going to indulge too much in the “Eat” part… I’m not about to be anyone’s fat ex-wife! So hopefully I deliver this prednisone baby soon cause my body isn’t swimsuit ready… but 60mg a day of a Munchie inducing medicine does that to you. So I guess this is going to be a mostly Praying-Spiritual Journey… which I mean I’m find with that. I could use a little more Jesus in my life. I might even throw in some “Exercise” and “Extra self love”… Wait no definitely throw in a LOT of extra self love. I deserve it after the last few months.
Despite realizing that this new chapter is so close to starting, it still seems surreal. Hard to believe it’s only been 4 months of 2017 because it feels like it’s been the longest year ever. The range of emotions is crazy. I’m happy and sad, there’s still a little bit of denial and anger lurking in the shadows. But I think that deep down inside I know that this is really for the best. Still sucks. And I’m still waiting for him to say ‘no I do want you to stay.’ I’m a hopeless romantic I know. All the signs are clearly saying it’s not going to happen but I’m stubborn.
It’s time for me to do me. Me, myself and Em. ❤ I can do this.
You is kind. You is smart. You is important.