Late Night Rambling

Late-Night-Happy-Hour

I don’t know about you, but I could definitely use a late night happy hour.

It’s nearing 1 AM, and I am hyped up like a kid who ate a giant bag of sugar. I guess in a way, I did the adult equivalent. I had an entire Coke at about 10 PM. What was I thinking? I do not know. I guess the appeal of being able to sleep in somewhat tomorrow was what did it. But who am I kidding? My body is naturally wired at this point to be up around 7:30-8. It really throws me off schedule, when my soon-to-be 3 year old sleeps in til 9.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s heavenly, but boy does it throw us all off. 

However despite being completely wired… my brain is complete and total MUSH. I can’t focus on writing to save my life right now… 

It can’t be just me, but does anyone else always have a ton to say/write before signing on and then POOF as soon as you start typing– BRAIN FOG?? Which by the way… Lupus brain fog– is ten times worse. I can literally forget something minor from a few minutes ago. Sometimes it happens when I’m driving and I’m just in a daze. Going through the motions, using signals, and being aware of the road… but it’s like I’m watching myself from outside my body. Does that make sense? It’s hard to explain something like that if you’ve never experienced it. 

I have a good friend who constantly tells me to just write. About anything and everything. However this friend does not take her own advice, because she too is in a creative writer’s block. There are tons of ideas, just nothing that is coming together cohesively. We recently discussed the visions we had/have for our blogs, and I pointed out how the vision I had when I first started my blog many many moons and websites ago, lasted maybe all of a week. It changes so frequently. I guess because, I am also changing frequently. I know my little bio thingy says “a chronicle of life, motherhood and lupus” but I always worry that people will get bored of cute antidotes about my child, or hearing about how I’m dealing with Lupus (which by the way, miserably, it’s been raining and ugh it makes me hurt all over. lack of sleep doesn’t help either!), or even now with D-day in my future.

I am a people pleaser by default. I want people to like me. I can admit that I seek validation in all the wrong places.

But admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery right? 

As I titled this, because usually I wait until the end to title these things in case I go completely off ship… I realized this could very well become a new thing. “Late Night Rambling with Yours Truly.” Like Letterman or something, but without the millions of viewers. Do these late night shows even get those kind of viewings? Just me, myself, and the wee hours of the night alone with my thoughts. You know actually on second thought, that sounds absolutely terrifying and I wouldn’t subject you to that. Alone with my thoughts… yikes that has nightmare written all over it… Good thing we aborted that mission before it got going huh. You’re welcome… because I cherish you all that follow me! 😀

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