In my younger years, I would never imagine that I would have the lack of friends that I do now. Growing up, I was fortunate enough to have a steady group of close friends. But now, my circle is much smaller, and if I’m honest, some of my closest friends are people I have never actually met.
The internet is a beautiful place for friendships to begin.
I’ve been on both sides of the friendships ending– the one doing the ending, and the one wondering what I did for it to end. Neither one is easy. But I think now that I’m older, ending friendships is much harder. Probably because adult friendships are so hard to maintain to begin with. Especially when you’re a mother… and not single.
But I no longer have the energy to maintain friendships that are not benefitting me emotionally. I don’t like initating conversation and plans everytime. It would be nice if you asked how I was on occasion on your own, not just when I post an encrypted status. And even then you’re only asking to be nosy.
However, I am lucky to have a few close IRL friends, whom have been helping me with this transition into my new life. They even helped me furnished my apartment. BECAUSE REAL FRIENDS DO THAT. They buy you stuff and don’t expect you to pay them back. Especially when they know you’re in a rough spot. They take you out and surprise you to help get your mind off stuff. They let you vent endlessly, while probably secretly wishing you would end your pity party already. They don’t sugar coat everything and slap you back into reality. They encourage and believe in you. They support your decisions.
I remember saying recently I wasn’t used to having people be there for me like this. I however, have done this for numerous people with nothing to show for it until now. I stated how refreshing it was. How much it truly meant to me. And of course there have been a lot of “you guys are going to make me cry” followed by ugly crying.
And everytime I’ve said that, I’ve always been responded with “because we’re you’re friends and we love you.” 💜 Ah it makes me all warm and bubbly inside just thinking about it.
And I cherish every single friendship I’ve ever had. Some a little more than others but that’s to be expected. And while not all of them have lasted, I know that each and every person crossed my path for a particular purpose. I hope to eventually find that ONE best friend soulmate, who I can grow old with and be those little old ladies in the nursing home giving people problems. However, I have noticed I’m tended to make friends with people older than me… so they might end up in the nursing home before me 😐.
If you couldn’t tell, I am unbelievably in my feelings tonight.