A Graduation Tale


My sister graduated (again) today. This time from high school.

  Wait what? My sister did both high school and early college, so she graduated last month with her associates degree BEFORE she graduated high school. Crazy right? Kid is smart. So she will enter college as a junior in the fall. Even more crazy I know! 

Our high school. I say ours because our mother graduated from there, I graduated from there and now she has too. It would make my heart melt to have my daughter graduate from there also but it doesn’t seem likely. How crazy is that right? It’s even more crazy to think that 8 years ago I was walking across that stage. I might have teared up thinking about how it might be the last time I’m ever in that school… 

At least I had a fun reason to dress up today! 

And one of my close friends from high school was there watching her little sister graduate and we couldn’t let them have all the spotlight. #Hilltopper Pride Always and Forever. #Alumni status. 

And what was supposed to be a joyous day… was that and then some. And not in good way either… 

For starters– my mother almost got into a fight with a lady at graduation. And I really would have recorded it and put her on the Internet. So here’s that story… 

We got there early to save seats for everyone, because well that’s what most people do when they have a bunch of people coming. And this ghetto grandma came over and asked if there were any other seats. We told her we only have 2 left on this row but you can have them. She sits down. No big deal. Then she started calling over all her friends and family and we’re like “Um no.. those seats are saved. There’s a program on them.” She just rolls her eyes and moves them. So my mom went full on black mode πŸ˜‚  like picture Madea… 

“Excuse me but I said those seats were saved that’s why the program is on there.” The lady responded “Well they ain’t here.” And my mom goes “Well that’s why we got here early to save them.” πŸ˜€ 

I seriously wished I’d had popcorn at this point because it was so entertaining… So they went back and forth over whether or not the seats where saved and then my mom just goes “Look it’s graduation, it’s a happy day, I’m not going to fight over the seats… but if you move the damn programs again it’s going to get real ugly in here.” So the lady mumbled something and one of the people she invited got up and left. She apologized as she put the program back. But ghetto grandma was still having a fit, and said “Well if they ain’t here soon we going to take them.” 

And my mom goes “I really want you to try me.” 
πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I then had to spend the next few minutes listening to her lecture on seating etiquette while ghetto grandma is still cussing us out on the other side of me. It was really funny honestly and not the worse part of the day. 

Next crazy shenanigan… my father’s cell phone started blaring his rap music ring tone (because he thinks he’s a thug… πŸΈβ˜• where’s my Kermit meme when I need him?) during the graduation. I really thought she was going to reach over and smash his phone. I was waiting. Watching. It never happened. 

I will add that the rest of graduation went smoothly. The speakers delivered amazing and deep speeches. I got teary-eyed. 

Alas… she is officially a member of the graduating class of 2017! And after countless pictures, it was finally time to go eat. 

Good ol rain cloud that is our father– complained that we were going out to eat instead of back to my grandma’s. He was met with “We can drop you off if you’re going to complain the whole time.” From my mother. I guess he forgot she was still steaming from the seat fiasco. Got to the restaurant, he complained about the seating arrangements. Yelled at the waiter to bring him A1 sauce. Multiple times, when the waiter was clearly looking for a damn bottle. Then he decided to keep “jokingly” asking me for money. Do I look like an ATM? Then he started rushing us to cut my sister’s graduation cake. Which in case you’re wondering– “the cake is delicious” is what Em kept saving between mouthfuls of blue icing. And then I went to leave the tip and he had the nerve to tell me how much to leave. 

Did you pay for anything? No? So why are you telling me how much to tip? Nothing bothers me more than someone who didn’t pay for any of the meal telling me how much of a tip to leave with my money.  You didn’t even want to come here…πŸΈβ˜• 

But wait. The rain cloud darkened. As we were leaving my grandma’s house (which apparently had all this imaginary food for us to eat…) in his moment of child-like pettiness, he got into an argument with my sister over sitting in the back seat. Honestly I don’t know what it is today with seats… As I said, we were leaving and he had given the impression he was staying. So my sister hopped into the front seat like she usually does. Now he couldn’t just get in the back for the 5 minute drive to their house. No he had to complain. And yeah sure she could have moved to the back but still… 5 minutes folks. It wasn’t going to kill him… 

And in his moment of temper tantrum, threw himself into the backseat… and sat on my sister’s cake. Now my sister never cusses in front of our parents but I guess today she had enough of rain clouds on her special day. All we heard next was 

What the fuck is wrong with you? 

I couldn’t help but start snickering. I had to look away. My usually calm and well mannered sister just opened the biggest can of WTF and it was golden. I too wish I had recorded that. I know I know I’m a horrible person… 

My mother who had clearly had enough nonsense for the day simply said “Sit in the back or walk home. Those are your options and stop acting like a damn fool all the time.” 

πŸΈβ˜• Tell him mom. 

He mumbled about how they would still eat the cake, and my mother pointed out that that was irrelevant and the least he could do was apologize without being prompted to. And yet… he wonders why we don’t like to go anywhere with him? One would think knocking on deaths door would change a person but nope not him. 

So that was my day. 

I do honestly feel bad that my sister had to endure so much crazy after graduation, as she was not sitting with us during the first seat fiasco. But I think as she counts her money before bed, it won’t be too much of a problem. 

And perhaps next time there will be no drama… let’s see the next family gathering is Em’s birthday and I dare someone to come with nonsense. I will pull a Madea, quick fast and in a hurry. Like my mother said earlier, “Try me.” πŸΈβ˜• 

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