First off… Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. (And the single moms pulling double duty… I know it’s not the same but you still deserve recognition!)
Someone asked me what I was getting my father for father’s day. Without hesitation I said:
Nothing. Wrapped in nothing. With a shiny piece of nothing on top.
You would have thought that I had just told them Santa wasn’t real. Now I know what you’re thinking “but he’s your father… and didn’t he knock on deaths door a few months back?”
Yeah… and… ?
I know, I know, I am apparently a lot more heartless than I let on. A total savage. But here’s the reality of my lack of desire to celebrate my father on father’s day…
We don’t have a good relationship. Never really did. Never really will at this point. He’s stolen from me. He’s hit me. He’s belittled me. He probably couldn’t even tell you how old I turned this year. He made a decision long ago that drugs and pretending to be this hard core thug was more important than his children. I can’t remember the last time I got more than a text on my birthday, or Christmas, and here lately Mother’s day. Every gift giving holiday is met with the same line:
As soon as I get paid next week I’ll get you something.
Next week, month, year comes and goes and nothing. But he is the greatest father ever and anyone would be lucky to have him as a dad.
Or so he likes to pretend and exclaim loudly to anyone and everyone at every chance he gets. And God forbid you don’t get him something, that’s all you will hear is how much he does for you.
Now I know that they say harboring ill feelings towards someone gives them power over you. That’s not the case. I’ve forgiven as much as God has allowed me. But I’m not stupid. You aren’t going to put a wolf in sheep’s clothing and expect me to believe it’s a sheep. Or however that saying goes… I get that he is never going to be the father that I want nor need. And it hurts sure but I have 99 problems of my own, I don’t need any additional Daddy issue ones. Believe me there are already a few thanks to his lack of fathering…
And yes he knocked on deaths door. And as a good daughter I went to his side, because I just had a feeling that this might be the end for him. Of course I did joke that he wasn’t going to die and outlive us all because that would just be him… and our punishment for whatever horrible things we did in a past life. And sure enough he pulled through… AND IMMEDIATELY RETURNED TO HIS OLD SELF.
Belittling everyone. Cursing everyone out when he didn’t get his way. Acting like he is God himself. Untouchable…
So… no… I don’t go out of my way to celebrate my father on father’s day. He hasn’t really been a father to me. I’m too old to be finding generic, simply said Happy Father’s Day, cards. When I get more than a text in the wee hours of the evening then maybe I might consider. But until then…
You get nothing. Wrapped in nothing. With an extra shiny piece of nothing on top.
And I’m not going to feel the least bit guilty about it either.