Hi everyone! I’m back!! After a long hiatus that couldn’t have came at a worse time than AFTER I posted a depression piece…
I had originally typed out this incredibly long and detailed post about my very long absence. However, my laptop wants to be flaky and not allow me to copy and paste it onto here. So I’m having to rewrite it via the app and therefore you now get a shortened back of book summary…
I was super sick. The end.
Just kidding. But no really I did get super sick, three weeks worth of back pain, nausea, the whole kit and kaboodle. I had more tests done than I knew was possible.
- Three CT scans
- Chest xray
- Heart xray (and no apparently those are not the same thing)
- MRI or rather part of an MRI because I found out just how claustrophobic I am in small spaces
- So much blood drawn I’m surprised I have any left in my body (seriously why do doctors need 8 vials of blood everyday?)
And I’m sure I’m forgetting some… but considering this was my life for three weeks and most of these tests were done in the wee hours. Why I don’t know, it’s like the hospital wants you to suffer physically and financially. I was treated for a gallbladder issue and a UTI I didn’t have. I had so many antibiotics shoved in me, and later upchucked I lost track of them all. My arms are covered in bruises from being poked and prodded so much.
I even got sent home one day after a CT scan with my IV still attached… I had to pull it out myself. Blood. Blood. So much blood.
So it was a lovely three weeks. Talk about a vacation. The bright side is I lost about 6lbs because I couldn’t keep anything down. And now my appetite is just now returning and it’s nowhere near what it was just a few weeks ago. I told a friend I knew I was getting better because I was daydreaming about food. A typical fatty move.
Aside from three weeks of NO IDEA WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME. No really, I literally found out a few days after my hospital release that I hadn’t had any gallbladder issues or a UTI nor was it a bad lupus flare.
I had mono. And because they realized it so late in the game, I’ve basically been riding it out. That’s been fun… said no one ever whose had mono. How did I get it? Well I am 99% sure that I caught it from STBX (soon to be ex) in passing when he was sick a month or so ago. And because of Lupus it hit me harder than it did him. I am just thankful that Emma hasn’t gotten sick… although she’s been sneezing a lot lately. #allergies-i-hope.
And yes, I watched my daughter for an entire week of being sick and basically dying before going to the hospital. And then I was home maybe 12 hours before I got her back. Yet somehow in STBX’s eyes that still isn’t good enough. Because it wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine with him while I was sick.
His sympathy ran out about the 3rd day of me being sick. Every “how are you feeling” text or call was followed up by “because I can’t keep missing work.” 🤔 Gee, you know I can’t afford to keep missing work either but I don’t really have a choice. And it wasn’t like he was missing full days either. As I said, I watched her even as I clung to toilet for dear life. And believe me nothing makes you feel like a worse parent than having to set up camp in the bathroom with your toddler. He got off early a handful of times because I was either at my worse or needed to go to the doctor and I was in no position to drive me or anyone else.
Where were his parents to help? I wonder that often, they watched Emma (reluctantly) twice. My mother however took Emma for an entire weekend, and then kept her another few days after I had her take me to the hospital when I still wasn’t better after a week. Because he didn’t think I needed to go to the hospital when I asked him to take me…
But wait it gets better. As I mentioned, I was home maybe 12 hours before I was trying to recover and take care of Emma. I simply asked if he would be getting her on his day off as previously agreed. He told me that he was tired of my illness controlling him and that he wasn’t going to keep running to get her everytime I was sick; that if I couldn’t take care of her to hand her and my car over so he could sell it to pay for a full time sitter…
Oh… that’s how you feel. Nevermind that I kept her while at my worse. Nevermind that I dropped everything I had to do to help you when you were in a similar state of being sick. Nevermind that that’s a part of being a parent, sometimes things happen and you have to miss work. Granted I’m sure it was said out of anger, but it doesn’t matter. It was still said, and no matter how many times he apologizes for the way he’s been acting. There’s no going back from that… but really it’s fine. I kept Emma that day and the next few too. Just another entry in the big book of things that happened during our separation. Just another bit to mention when I have my appointment with legal aide.
Because you see, just because I’ve been under the weather- I am still figuring out all the loopholes we have facing us with getting divorced. I haven’t been sitting back doing nothing this whole separation. I think I’ve said it before, but he asked me once what all we needed to do to get divorce. I told him then I had been looking into it because I wasn’t going to be blindsided. I was hurt before, but now I’m livid at the fact he would so carelessly throw that threat out there like NBD. And then apologize like nothings wrong. Sure I’ll play nice. But D-day is coming. And I’m not taking prisoners. Getting sick was just a minor setback.
Well, my lovely welcome back from being sick turned into a much needed vent over STBX actions during this ordeal. As I said before through sickness and health clearly means nothing to him. Irregardless of the fact that we are still legally married. But it’s cool. Just another obstacle I’ll have overcome by the end of this. And another thing Emma will look back on and see how strong her momma was.
But anyways. Yay for slowly recovering and getting back to blogging!!